• Dossier

    Red Carpet Politics is the premiere place where celebrities and politics meet and mingle. Our star correspondents work the red carpet each day to report breaking political and legal news from the world of entertainment. We also feature fictional interviews with a celebrity du jour . Other than what our team of correspondents may believe in their warped little minds, these interviews have no basis whatsoever in reality, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

  • RCP Star Correspondent

    MONE QUIVERS

    Don't let her age fool you. Mona "Mone" Quivers is a veteran ace reporter who knows how to dig and dish. Whether it's the Oscars or another movie premiere, Mone is there, front and center, in their face, microphone in hand, extracting all the juicy tidbits you want to know.

  • Staff Correspondents

    WILLY SMUSH

    If looks could kill, Willy's would. Luckily, this baby-faced boy next door has nothing more on his mind than charming the pants off powerhouse celebs. When Willy bats those baby blues, stars are powerless to resist his wily charms. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, we like it and Willy Smush just fine.

    GAZELLE SNOWFLAKE

    Although relatively new, Gazelle Snowflake already works the interview scene like a pro. Her understated charm and sex appeal can turn big name stars into putty at the flick of a microphone. Before they realize what they're up against, they've gone and spilled another exclusive. Keep working that mojo, Gazelle!

    SPENCE THE INTERN

    Spence the Intern's unconventional appeal has a way with celebrities. Spence appeals to them for interviews and celebrities run the other way, right into the clutches of one of our more palatable correspondents. But, seriously, Spence is a real asset to our team. His family ties to Red Carpet Politics' primary sponsor are so meaningless as to be laughable, unless you're one of the other thousands of college students who applied for the position of Intern Correspondent, but couldn't get a foot in the door.

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  • Archives

Escaped Mayor of Munchkinland Resembles Andy Hardy

Someone better tell Mickey Rooney that red makes him look like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. No? Well then how about the mayor of Munchkinland? He’s certainly the right height. Hoarding old Judy Garland cast-offs again, are we Hardy boy?

Is this guy still ticking? Geez, I thought he kicked the bucket years ago. Must be the oldest living legend in Hollywood.

The costumes were all in good fun. Notables Tina O’Brien, Paul Michael Glaser, and Nigel Havers, along with a scad of lesser knowns joined Mickey and Jane yesterday for the First Family Entertainment Pantomime Season Launch party. Too bad this gala happened across the pond. Looks like jolly good fun.

Here’s wishing Mickey another 120 years!

Politicelebritopia Roundup for November 19, 2007

The line separating politicians and celebrities so often becomes blurred. Mongrel spawn litter the planet as they cross each others’ realms. Roundup from this past week includes:

1. Former Vice President and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Al Gore accepts the Founders Award from the International Emmys in New York City tonight. His trophy case must be getting mighty crowded…[more]

2. After six months of random testing and community service, prosecutors dropped misdemeanor marijuana charges against Anna Nicole celebrity judge, Lawrence Korda…[more]

3. U2 activist Bono gives a tell all interview in Rolling Stone magazine. Wasn’t Bono one of the original movers and shakers of the politicelebritopia movement…[more]

4. Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev now shills for Louis Vuitton. Guess the economy’s not so great in Russia either…[more]

5. Analysts are back to ranking candidate follicles to determine lead indicators in election 2008…[more]

6. Speaking of the 2008 election, Jackson Browne offered his expertise in woman bullying to the John Edwards campaign…[more]

7. Meanwhile, Edwards is too busy picketing NBC than to care about lackluster support on his own campaign trail…[more]

8. Last, but not least, Paris Hilton practiced bump and grind defense and public speaking in preparation for her delayed mission to Rwanda…[more]

That concludes this week’s issue of Bastard Child. Tune in again for more mongrel spawn from around the globe.

Swift Kids For Truth Say No To Hillary Clinton

I believe that children are our future. Let the children laugh and lead the way. Let the children’s laughter remind us of what we used to be.

Paula Abdul Hides Plastic Surgery While Simon Says All

Looking for comment from American Idol Judge Paula Abdul about the plastic surgery related death of Kanye West’s mother, a TMZ cameraman dug a little too deep. Not that Paula was miffed as described, but clearly she had no interest in discussing her experiences under the knife.

Anyone can see from before and after photos that Paula is no stranger to plastic enhancement. So she had a big shnoz, tarantula thick eyebrows, flat cheek bones, and an A cup. It’s the person inside who counts. On the other hand … enough said. Has anyone seen this woman’s reality TV show?

These days it’s getting harder and harder to find anyone in the entertainment industry who hasn’t had a little nip or tuck. Even her cohort, Simon Cowell, admits Continue reading

Pro Hillary Crowd Turns CNN Las Vegas Debate Into Society Page Social

Aw, ain’t that nice. The bride and her groomsmen all lined up and so purty. Whars ‘er corsage, ah mean, boo-kay? They couldn’t find sump’n to match orange? Aw, ain’t it a shame.

Okay. So this isn’t a picture from last night’s debate in the Silver State, but it might as well be. CNN stuck old Hill at a podium in the middle, flanked by male rivals on each side. When the debate became heated, the audience booed or the moderator admonished her opponents, “One at a time.” Continue reading

Writers Strike Ignores Devastating Consequences of Continued Impasse


Film and television writers and studio bigwigs continue their game of chicken on the picket lines. Variety and late night talk shows, Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show, and the Tonight Show have already ceased production. The popular TV show, 24 recently declared an indefinite hiatus. Soon, crown jewels such as Two and a Half Men and Desperate Housewives will grind to an excruciating halt.

It comes as no surprise that Continue reading

Sad Saga of O.J. Simpson and Other True Confessions

O.J. Simpson is back in the news, this time for something really bizarre, if that’s even possible. About three weeks prior to the alleged armed robbery that landed him in jail, the FBI blew off warnings about the self-organized sting operation from “O.G.loved One” and his co-conspirator, Thomas Riccio, refusing to take part in another “weird celebrity case.” According to the Jordan Falls News,

|FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said Riccio did not indicate a crime
|would be committed.

So, let me get this straight. The FBI plopped a gob of goo on the laps of Nevada authorities because the idiots who orchestrated this reality TV heist neglected to inform the feds about possible use of force? How exactly did the FBI envision an O.J. confrontation with an alleged memorabilia-stealing wheeler-dealer?

“Hello there. I’m O.J. Simpson. Would you like me to autograph this stuff? Gee, thanks. Now that I’ve got everything I need, I’ll be seeing you around…”?

It’s bad enough the feds sat on intelligence normally channeled to local authorities, but what goads me is their insipid excuse for doing so. That got me thinking about the O.J. saga in general and how this development from another planet is one more miserable notch in the “couldn’t make this stuff up” belt.

Of course, when it comes to making stuff up, O.J. takes top honors. Who else would have the unmitigated gall to pen something as rancid as If I Did It, call it fiction, and expect to profit? I couldn’t bring myself to look at this repackaged tripe and, apparently, neither could a lot of other people. Thankfully, the “O.G.loved One’s” ill-advised foray into true crime confession is now #125 on Amazon.com, although I do feel for the Goldman family as the book’s gathering freefall means less sour grapes for the juice.

When the book placed in the top ten, it stood in a class all its own. Nothing from its genre had ever garnered so much attention. In fact, the book paved the way for anyone – group, individual or heir — wanting to peddle a compelling true story as fiction. I had a strange inkling about a possible literary trend, so I decided to do some digging around. What I uprooted is indeed stranger than fiction. Take a look at the top seven manuscripts rumored for publishing in 2008:

1. If We Perpetrated A Cover Up, by the Warren Commission
Subject: Assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
Summary: Back in the day, before Freedom of Information and the JFK Records Act, there was no need to consider a conspiracy. We could pretty much investigate however we pleased. The development of forensic science was primitive in comparison to today’s methodologies. Also, the lack of meaningful oversight allowed us to omit key information with no immediate consequences. As the months dragged on, it became readily apparent if we reported the destruction of material evidence or numerous irregularities in our own fact-finding mission, then too many “good old boys” would lose their jobs. Blaming a dead man and those bozos in the Secret Service became our ticket out of Dodge.

2. If I Caused It, by Yoko Ono
Subject: The break up of The Beatles.
Summary: John always most talented of that group. But inside, he still insecure like little boy. From minute we meet eyes, John drawn to me, like young butterfly to flowing nectar. I suppose it not hurt I also master of ancient Japanese technique. I plan all those bed-ins, make John my sex slave. Very soon, John do exactly as I say. I say world revolve around us, not mopheads. John take me everywhere, let me deal with cheeky leeches. Everyone fight. Only one sure way to make end.

3. If We Pushed Illegal Drugs To Do Our Dirty Work , by George H.W. Bush
Subject: Ending the counter-culture revolution.
Summary: All those commie subversives from the ‘60s — Black Panthers, Brown Berets, Cesar Chavez, Martin Luther King, Jr., Young Lords, Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee – they all swore an oath to destroy America. Our secret intelligence tried every known tactic to squelch those vermin. Yet, as fast as we could pick ‘em off, another would take their place. The CIA still denies any involvement in illegal drug trafficking, but it took me less than a year to find out how we were sweeping those pinkos off the streets into the crack houses and prisons where they belonged. Of course, with my political aspirations being what they were, once I caught on, I had to resign my position as Director. Told everyone I needed to spend more time with Babs.

4. If I Erased It, by Rose Mary Woods, as told by her best friend (name withheld upon request)
Subject: The missing Watergate tapes.
Summary: In a desperate attempt to save my career, I purposefully erased about ten minutes of those tapes. Even an average jane secretary knows her boss is going down when he’s reckless enough to record himself disparaging minorities. I swore an oath to Tricky I’d never tell, but seeing as how he resigned, I can’t see the harm now. I immediately stopped erasing when an aid barged through my door. After everyone had left the office for the day, I went back to retrieve an old sweater. There was Tricky, all flustered and sweating like a cow, poor thing. He was desperate to work the erase pedal. I gently tried to show him how, but he stubbornly insisted on doing it himself. Before he could get the hang of it, Pat barged in. She ordered him upstairs. I quickly put on my sweater and left. Heard her saying something about finishing what he started. Never did learn what.

5. If Humans Were Bred With Extraterrestrials , by Paul Bennewitz, as told
by an extremely concerned neighbor (name withheld upon request)
Subject: Area 51.
Summary: They poisoned me, those S.O.B.s, my mind, my water, all my food, everything I hold near and dear. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. They used that off limits base to breed humans with aliens. It’s the only way the United States will remain a world power. When I found out, they implanted a chip in my brain to keep me from blabbing. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. Don’t mind all the crazy drawings posted on my walls. Do you hear voices? I need a cigarette. Will you please make the voices stop? Where’s my cheese?

6. If It Wasn’t An Accident, by Prince Philip
Subject: Death of Princess Diana.
Summary: I always felt responsible for forcing that disastrous marriage, more so when she and poor Charles divorced. Those half naked tabloid pictures with that ghastly Arab, well, that’s what did her in, I’m afraid. As mother of heir to the royal throne, she still had our dignity to maintain. Bett tried to warn her by floating rumors, but the little tart paid no mind. She left the House of Windsor no choice. Putting my brilliant stroke of genius into action was quite easy, really. We knew her itinerary. We had a discreet link inside the DGSE. We set up a ruse for some chap to pose as a photographer. The rest, shall we say, is history. My one regret is Henri. He wasn’t supposed to be on service detail.

7. If Daddy Orchestrated It, by Jenna Bush
Subject: 9/11.
Summary: It’s no secret Daddy used drugs and alcohol to cope with his inadequacies. I’ll be the first to confess, being the do nothing offspring of a powerful man is mucho depress-o. At some point, Mum threatened to leave Daddy unless he sobered up. The next thing I knew, Grandpa and Uncle Dick promised Daddy the White House in return for a whole buncha stuff. Something about that Bin Laden dude and Halliburton. Does Saudi mean anything to y’all? Anyhoo, every who was anyone in the Republican party leaned all over those supreme court robes to sway Daddy’s election. Then, Condi worked out a plan involving stealth planes and missile fire — still a tad hazy on details – something about increasing Daddy’s ratings in opinion polls to impress Mum. I feel bad innocent people had to die, but I’m sure glad my folks stayed together. Umm. Well. Can y’all excuse me? Henry and I gotta party.