• Dossier

    Red Carpet Politics is the premiere place where celebrities and politics meet and mingle. Our star correspondents work the red carpet each day to report breaking political and legal news from the world of entertainment. We also feature fictional interviews with a celebrity du jour . Other than what our team of correspondents may believe in their warped little minds, these interviews have no basis whatsoever in reality, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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    MONE QUIVERS

    Don't let her age fool you. Mona "Mone" Quivers is a veteran ace reporter who knows how to dig and dish. Whether it's the Oscars or another movie premiere, Mone is there, front and center, in their face, microphone in hand, extracting all the juicy tidbits you want to know.

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    WILLY SMUSH

    If looks could kill, Willy's would. Luckily, this baby-faced boy next door has nothing more on his mind than charming the pants off powerhouse celebs. When Willy bats those baby blues, stars are powerless to resist his wily charms. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, we like it and Willy Smush just fine.

    GAZELLE SNOWFLAKE

    Although relatively new, Gazelle Snowflake already works the interview scene like a pro. Her understated charm and sex appeal can turn big name stars into putty at the flick of a microphone. Before they realize what they're up against, they've gone and spilled another exclusive. Keep working that mojo, Gazelle!

    SPENCE THE INTERN

    Spence the Intern's unconventional appeal has a way with celebrities. Spence appeals to them for interviews and celebrities run the other way, right into the clutches of one of our more palatable correspondents. But, seriously, Spence is a real asset to our team. His family ties to Red Carpet Politics' primary sponsor are so meaningless as to be laughable, unless you're one of the other thousands of college students who applied for the position of Intern Correspondent, but couldn't get a foot in the door.

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Sad Saga of O.J. Simpson and Other True Confessions

O.J. Simpson is back in the news, this time for something really bizarre, if that’s even possible. About three weeks prior to the alleged armed robbery that landed him in jail, the FBI blew off warnings about the self-organized sting operation from “O.G.loved One” and his co-conspirator, Thomas Riccio, refusing to take part in another “weird celebrity case.” According to the Jordan Falls News,

|FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said Riccio did not indicate a crime
|would be committed.

So, let me get this straight. The FBI plopped a gob of goo on the laps of Nevada authorities because the idiots who orchestrated this reality TV heist neglected to inform the feds about possible use of force? How exactly did the FBI envision an O.J. confrontation with an alleged memorabilia-stealing wheeler-dealer?

“Hello there. I’m O.J. Simpson. Would you like me to autograph this stuff? Gee, thanks. Now that I’ve got everything I need, I’ll be seeing you around…”?

It’s bad enough the feds sat on intelligence normally channeled to local authorities, but what goads me is their insipid excuse for doing so. That got me thinking about the O.J. saga in general and how this development from another planet is one more miserable notch in the “couldn’t make this stuff up” belt.

Of course, when it comes to making stuff up, O.J. takes top honors. Who else would have the unmitigated gall to pen something as rancid as If I Did It, call it fiction, and expect to profit? I couldn’t bring myself to look at this repackaged tripe and, apparently, neither could a lot of other people. Thankfully, the “O.G.loved One’s” ill-advised foray into true crime confession is now #125 on Amazon.com, although I do feel for the Goldman family as the book’s gathering freefall means less sour grapes for the juice.

When the book placed in the top ten, it stood in a class all its own. Nothing from its genre had ever garnered so much attention. In fact, the book paved the way for anyone – group, individual or heir — wanting to peddle a compelling true story as fiction. I had a strange inkling about a possible literary trend, so I decided to do some digging around. What I uprooted is indeed stranger than fiction. Take a look at the top seven manuscripts rumored for publishing in 2008:

1. If We Perpetrated A Cover Up, by the Warren Commission
Subject: Assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
Summary: Back in the day, before Freedom of Information and the JFK Records Act, there was no need to consider a conspiracy. We could pretty much investigate however we pleased. The development of forensic science was primitive in comparison to today’s methodologies. Also, the lack of meaningful oversight allowed us to omit key information with no immediate consequences. As the months dragged on, it became readily apparent if we reported the destruction of material evidence or numerous irregularities in our own fact-finding mission, then too many “good old boys” would lose their jobs. Blaming a dead man and those bozos in the Secret Service became our ticket out of Dodge.

2. If I Caused It, by Yoko Ono
Subject: The break up of The Beatles.
Summary: John always most talented of that group. But inside, he still insecure like little boy. From minute we meet eyes, John drawn to me, like young butterfly to flowing nectar. I suppose it not hurt I also master of ancient Japanese technique. I plan all those bed-ins, make John my sex slave. Very soon, John do exactly as I say. I say world revolve around us, not mopheads. John take me everywhere, let me deal with cheeky leeches. Everyone fight. Only one sure way to make end.

3. If We Pushed Illegal Drugs To Do Our Dirty Work , by George H.W. Bush
Subject: Ending the counter-culture revolution.
Summary: All those commie subversives from the ‘60s — Black Panthers, Brown Berets, Cesar Chavez, Martin Luther King, Jr., Young Lords, Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee – they all swore an oath to destroy America. Our secret intelligence tried every known tactic to squelch those vermin. Yet, as fast as we could pick ‘em off, another would take their place. The CIA still denies any involvement in illegal drug trafficking, but it took me less than a year to find out how we were sweeping those pinkos off the streets into the crack houses and prisons where they belonged. Of course, with my political aspirations being what they were, once I caught on, I had to resign my position as Director. Told everyone I needed to spend more time with Babs.

4. If I Erased It, by Rose Mary Woods, as told by her best friend (name withheld upon request)
Subject: The missing Watergate tapes.
Summary: In a desperate attempt to save my career, I purposefully erased about ten minutes of those tapes. Even an average jane secretary knows her boss is going down when he’s reckless enough to record himself disparaging minorities. I swore an oath to Tricky I’d never tell, but seeing as how he resigned, I can’t see the harm now. I immediately stopped erasing when an aid barged through my door. After everyone had left the office for the day, I went back to retrieve an old sweater. There was Tricky, all flustered and sweating like a cow, poor thing. He was desperate to work the erase pedal. I gently tried to show him how, but he stubbornly insisted on doing it himself. Before he could get the hang of it, Pat barged in. She ordered him upstairs. I quickly put on my sweater and left. Heard her saying something about finishing what he started. Never did learn what.

5. If Humans Were Bred With Extraterrestrials , by Paul Bennewitz, as told
by an extremely concerned neighbor (name withheld upon request)
Subject: Area 51.
Summary: They poisoned me, those S.O.B.s, my mind, my water, all my food, everything I hold near and dear. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. They used that off limits base to breed humans with aliens. It’s the only way the United States will remain a world power. When I found out, they implanted a chip in my brain to keep me from blabbing. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. Don’t mind all the crazy drawings posted on my walls. Do you hear voices? I need a cigarette. Will you please make the voices stop? Where’s my cheese?

6. If It Wasn’t An Accident, by Prince Philip
Subject: Death of Princess Diana.
Summary: I always felt responsible for forcing that disastrous marriage, more so when she and poor Charles divorced. Those half naked tabloid pictures with that ghastly Arab, well, that’s what did her in, I’m afraid. As mother of heir to the royal throne, she still had our dignity to maintain. Bett tried to warn her by floating rumors, but the little tart paid no mind. She left the House of Windsor no choice. Putting my brilliant stroke of genius into action was quite easy, really. We knew her itinerary. We had a discreet link inside the DGSE. We set up a ruse for some chap to pose as a photographer. The rest, shall we say, is history. My one regret is Henri. He wasn’t supposed to be on service detail.

7. If Daddy Orchestrated It, by Jenna Bush
Subject: 9/11.
Summary: It’s no secret Daddy used drugs and alcohol to cope with his inadequacies. I’ll be the first to confess, being the do nothing offspring of a powerful man is mucho depress-o. At some point, Mum threatened to leave Daddy unless he sobered up. The next thing I knew, Grandpa and Uncle Dick promised Daddy the White House in return for a whole buncha stuff. Something about that Bin Laden dude and Halliburton. Does Saudi mean anything to y’all? Anyhoo, every who was anyone in the Republican party leaned all over those supreme court robes to sway Daddy’s election. Then, Condi worked out a plan involving stealth planes and missile fire — still a tad hazy on details – something about increasing Daddy’s ratings in opinion polls to impress Mum. I feel bad innocent people had to die, but I’m sure glad my folks stayed together. Umm. Well. Can y’all excuse me? Henry and I gotta party.

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Ann Coulter Savaged for Bashing Jews and Judaism

The Britney Spears of the conservative movement, a blemish on the face of “kinder, gentler, compassionate conservatism.” A Connecticut anorexic in King Arthur’s Court. A transvestite refugee from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So refers Michael Savage from his beleaguered talk show fest, The Savage Nation, to none other than Ms. Ann Coulter.

Wow. The shark turning against one of its own, such a rarity in politics (wink). Then again, I can always count on Savage to speak his mind, not his party line. Problem is, sometimes he goes a tad too far. Last night’s rebroadcast was no exception.

It all started on Monday when Coulter appeared on Donny Deutsch’s CNBC show, The Big Idea. Seemingly out of nowhere, Coulter began a spew against Jews. Her anti-Semitic vitriol rankled Savage so badly, he devoted more than half of yesterday’s broadcast lambasting and pummeling Coulter into dog meat. To add insult to injury, all but one of his callers received a tongue-lashing for failing to echo his outrage. One allegedly Orthodox Jew said he didn’t see Coulter’s comments as anti-Semitic because she only parroted the fundamental Christian doctrines she was raised to believe. Savage ordered him to “grow some balls,” warning he would be one of the first people tortured in a Polish pogrom. Yes, old Mike was in rare form.

So, what exactly did Coulter say? Mmmm, basically that Jews are imperfect beings because they don’t believe Jesus was/is the messiah, and that America would be a better place if all Americans were Christians. But don’t rely on a paraphrase. Read for yourself Coulter’s final attempt to worm her way out of the point of no return:


I have to say, I was slightly offended when Coulter insinuated women should lose the right to vote because they elect Democratic presidents. But this latest bit of Jew baiting is downright unseemly. Not selling enough books, so let’s whip up a media frenzy by picking on the “purple state” Jewish host of a niche cable program. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Bad publicity is better than no publicity, or so they say. Too bad Coulter didn’t get the memo about the bigot exception. Her obvious bias against Jews is too palpable to ignore. The inevitable reaction of a closet Klanner desperate to plug a book destined for the dusty dollar bin.

Ann, darling, your 15 minutes is up. Make sure not to trip as you step off the stage. Ooops, too late.

Savage was right to be outraged. Ann should get the hook, the quicker the better. My problem with Savage arose later in the program. After advocating for harmonious understanding and peaceful co-existence between Jews and Christians, Savage blasted some priest for ministering to homosexuals. Taking up the cause of one vulnerable population only to beat down another struck me as hypocritical and self-serving. A real turn off that dulled his message about Coulter, to say the least.

If Savage intends to use his talk show to make the world a better place, as he claims, then he should try harder to fake a social conscious. Or at least save the gay bashing for a different broadcast.

Supreme Court Rejects El-Masri Extraordinary Rendition Litigation Without Comment

For cripes sake, here we go again. Overstepping established civil liberties in the name of preventing terrorism. Invoking the state secrets privilege to block all discernable means of fact finding. Summary dismissal by “The Supremes” without comment Get out my life, why don’t cha babe. Election 2008 cannot come soon enough for moi.

This time, the “alleged” victim, Khaled El-Masri, a German citizen of Lebanese descent, sought $75,000.00 in damages, an explanation, and apology after five months of unlawful detention and torture at the hands of the CIA. We’re talking textbook, straight out of The Good Shepherd, diapering, drugging, stripping and beating torture, the kind supposedly reserved for our “noble” government’s most dangerous enemies. Turns out the CIA nabbed the wrong guy. No apology, no explanation, just a “whoops, our bad,” and release via commercial airliner.

On November 28, 2006, the CBS Evening News ran the following item:


Now that I think about it, this case sounds an awful lot like the Matt Damon movie. Don’t remember seeing any publicity about The Good Shepherd’s origin, but I’ll bet El-Masri v. U.S., Case No. 06-1613 played more than just a superficial role in development. Unlike the movie, however, where the victim committed suicide, El-Masri rightfully sought vindication in America’s hallowed halls of justice.


Poor sap. In this day and age, one can almost bet the farm on obfuscation from the Bush administration. Both lower courts dismissed the lawsuit against former CIA Director, George Tenet, et al. citing the state secrets privilege. I suppose it didn’t matter whether El-Masri also sued private entities Premier Executive Transport Services of Massachusetts, Aero Contractors Limited of North Carolina, and Keeler and Tate Management of Nevada. What’s secret is secret. The U.S. refused to acknowledge detaining him and the whole case was fried.

As reported this morning by MSNBC,


The state secrets privilege, formerly used sparingly now invoked more times than the vast right wing conspiracy theory, allows our government to withhold information deemed necessary to protect national security. All such classified material is off limits to public review. Eventually, as time passes and memories fade, The Freedom of Information Act permits public access, but by then, generally, any legal means to redress injustice are gone.

Human rights watchdogs believed El-Masri would have his day in court after the ACLU filed appeal briefs with the U.S. Supreme Court. Wrong again, my dear Watson. This morning, the nine robed wonders denied review without comment, essentially kicking the case for good. German authorities dropped their investigation against 13 unnamed CIA agents, declining to press extradition after the Bush administration balked and refused to comply. Don’t cha just love when world powers roll over and play dead?

So, where does that leave El-Masri? I’d answer, but this is supposed to be a family friendly blog. I’m also outraged over this low blow to the American people. As American citizens, we are entitled to know the circumstances under which we can expect to be summarily stripped of our constitutional rights without consequence. As so eloquently stated by USA Today reporter, Joan Biskupic,


That about sums it all up for me. Where are agents Mulder and Scully when you need them?

Hillary Clinton Must Not Be Named

So, there I am at a big family dinner, stuffing my face with prime rib and tender baby asparagus, enjoying a little table wine and some pleasant conversation, when out of left field, a relative of a relative matter-of-factly turns to me and asks, “Who do you like for President?”

Who do I like for President? Must I think about something so serious when I’m having so much fun? Besides, isn’t the 2008 election more than a year away?

Apparently, while I’ve been milking the dog days of summer for every last lazy bit, political temperatures have been on the rise. Up until that fateful dinner, I somehow managed to steer clear of the fray. Why pundit when more pressing matters demand center stage? Collapsing bridges in the Midwest. Escalating terrorist alerts in the Middle East. Imminent Korean summits. Hank Aaron’s broken home run record. I barely have time to keep tabs on Lindsay, let alone take an intelligent look at the hundred plus declared candidates for President of the United States.

Does the name Daniel Gilbert ring a bell? Nope? Didn’t think so.

Uh, does it really matter which presidential candidate I favor in August of 2007? Aren’t two or three of them bound for implosion anyway? I mean, take a look at Howard Dean. Who can forget all those bright-eyed optimistic Deaniacs chugging and chugging toward the White House, pushing their candidate ahead of the pack, stumping like crazy, with a glimmer of winner on the horizon? Then one little “EEEEEE-AHHHHH!” shrieked in front of a packed audience, and just like that, the guy is yesterday’s toast.

Okay, it didn’t really happen that way. My version just sounds better and can be told in less time.

I suppose I should not ignore the sheeple advantage, especially at this stage of the race. A well-known political phenomenon, the “sheepadvan” is best illustrated by the way Average Joe investor reacts to the stock market. Rather than buy at an initial public offering, Average Joe holds out for a significant price increase. If that many people own shares, then according to Average Joe, the company must be good. Of course, the stock was a much better buy when fewer people owned it, but why should that matter? So too goes the race for President.

Each presidential election, the “sheepadvan” seems to arrive earlier and earlier. I’d like to keep it submerged at least until the traditional benchmark, otherwise known as the New Hampshire primary. But with the Republican YouTube Debates scheduled to occur in September, this no longer appears to be an option. On the other hand, perhaps I’ve gotten a reprieve. As of press time, only two Republican candidates were willing to answer videotaped questions from the American public.

I tried to squirm my way out of answering the three degrees of separation relative by fingering presidential candidates I wouldn’t endorse for all the tinsel in Hollywood. At the top of that list is the junior Senator from the great state of New York. Must I name she who must not be named?

This woman absolutely rubs me the wrong way. Let’s see, how do I despise thee? Let me count the ways: (1) opportunist; (2) liar; (3) traitor to America; (4) power whore; (5) money grubber; (6) status climber; (7) Socialist in Democrat’s clothing; (8) bigot; (9) foreign policy ignoramus; (10) corporate sell-out…. Should I continue?

Oh, why bother when I can make a video that says it all? With apologies to The Beach Boys, Reprob8Hill leads off Today’s Spewed Videos. Yes, I know some images are a tad blurry and it moves somewhat fast, but I think my little celluloid packs a load’a wallop.

Just the kind of thing I could upload to entertain future tablemates while I nonchalantly sneak off to the bar.

Click to see Spewed Videos du Jour.

Rush Limbaugh is Running America

What’s all the hype about Rush Limbaugh becoming the de facto leader of the Free World? Was I in a coma during the last election?

Count me as one who hardly agrees with Limbaugh’s unique political philosophy, but finds his conservative talk show persona thoroughly entertaining and informative. I whole heartedly agree with his program hyperbole, especially Open Line Friday being the fastest three hours in radio.

But who in their right mind can take Rush Limbaugh without a grain of salt? He’s right wing conservative all the way. The moderate perspective? Can’t be bothered. The liberal point of view? Fuhgeddaboutit. The EIB network is not a balanced reporting vehicle nor does it claim to be.

With Rush, what you see is what you get, take it or leave it. More than anything else, this singularity of purpose, a relentless focus on fundamental conservative values is in large part responsible for his enormous popularity and substantial sphere of influence. Limbaugh is the phenomenon right wing conservatives want to emulate. Who else can speak as eloquently for this sector of the electorate?

Apparently, Limbaugh detractors just don’t get it. They’d rather stifle Rush and everything he holds near and dear. As the 2008 election heats up, rumors have been floated about Limbaugh’s undue influence over legions of dittoheads. These poor people just can’t think for themsleves and other such nonsense. Government muckety-mucks are all a-titter.

I’m happy to report Capitol Hill outrage has reached a crescendo . Who exactly does Rush Limbaugh think he is…the United States President?!

Witness liberal media envy at its finest. Jealousy over their lack of ability to motivate joe citizen, looking to eradicate the last refuge of counter opinion, they now turn the big guns on Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk show hosts. It isn’t enough to control practically all other forms of multi-media, no, they must also silence conservative America on the air waves to liberate the will of the American people (suuuuurrrre).

Enough. Be gone drive-by media. I need another perspective!

Sadly, once again, talk show radio hosts are under fire for their uncanny ability to grind the political wheel from the ground up, *shudder* apparently an overwhelmingly scary thought for party line towers and media drive-bys. Limbaugh and others recently motivated record numbers of listeners to bombard elected representatives with vehement opposition to the illegal immigrantion initiative. Their actions successfully kicked the pants off the fledgling legislation , sending it all the way back to committee. Photo courtesy of schoolnet.gov Did it ever occur to these congressional vote hounds and senior elected officials that maybe — just maybe — the bulk of U.S. citizens are outraged by the prospect of a pinky bandaid for a hemorrhaging illegal immigration problem?

Pipe down you ridiculous pols . Your political boogeyman is nothing more than a figment of your overactive imaginations. Rush Limbaugh doesn’t aspire to be your President. It would mean taking a whopper of a salary cut…something anathema to Rush’s basic capitalistic philosophy.