• Dossier

    Red Carpet Politics is the premiere place where celebrities and politics meet and mingle. Our star correspondents work the red carpet each day to report breaking political and legal news from the world of entertainment. We also feature fictional interviews with a celebrity du jour . Other than what our team of correspondents may believe in their warped little minds, these interviews have no basis whatsoever in reality, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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    Don't let her age fool you. Mona "Mone" Quivers is a veteran ace reporter who knows how to dig and dish. Whether it's the Oscars or another movie premiere, Mone is there, front and center, in their face, microphone in hand, extracting all the juicy tidbits you want to know.

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    If looks could kill, Willy's would. Luckily, this baby-faced boy next door has nothing more on his mind than charming the pants off powerhouse celebs. When Willy bats those baby blues, stars are powerless to resist his wily charms. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, we like it and Willy Smush just fine.


    Although relatively new, Gazelle Snowflake already works the interview scene like a pro. Her understated charm and sex appeal can turn big name stars into putty at the flick of a microphone. Before they realize what they're up against, they've gone and spilled another exclusive. Keep working that mojo, Gazelle!


    Spence the Intern's unconventional appeal has a way with celebrities. Spence appeals to them for interviews and celebrities run the other way, right into the clutches of one of our more palatable correspondents. But, seriously, Spence is a real asset to our team. His family ties to Red Carpet Politics' primary sponsor are so meaningless as to be laughable, unless you're one of the other thousands of college students who applied for the position of Intern Correspondent, but couldn't get a foot in the door.

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David Beckham Exchanging Hongis and Who Knows What Else

David Beckham exchanged hongis with local politicians, women in traditional paint, Maori dancers and bare-chested warriors after touching down in Wellington, New Zealand for a soccer exposition. Cultural exchange is a good thing, but these photographs suggest exchanges of something more than just goodwill. Continue reading


Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal Back Together…Again

I wish these two would make up their minds. They’re on. They’re off. They’re canoodling. They’re not. Their reps confirm. Their reps have nothing to say. After a painful divorce, she needs to spend her free time with her children. He’s a soul searching settling down kinda guy. She’s not ready to bring him home to the kidlets. He’s already planning a Thanksgiving homecoming.

Please. Somebody. Stop the madness. I have to get off.

Revel in the quirky chemistry. Trust again. Let the love vibes flow. Don’t push too hard. Don’t be so needy. Before fans can spurt “Gyllenspoon” all over the Internet, create something lasting. Make it work this time. Don’t make me beg.

Call me a cock-eyed optimist, but I think there’s more to these two crazy lovebirds than meets the eye.

Britney Spears Outing Makes Neighborhood "Unsafe"

What a spectacle! Suffice it to say, my life is a bed of roses compared to this celeb’s. I cannot imagine how Britney continues to cope, or for that matter, even function. After feasting my eyes on this papafrenzi outing, knowing full well her recent custody litigation set backs, is it any wonder this woman is drugged out and estranged?

Thank goodness Jamie Lynn didn’t take “No” for an answer. I heard she and big bro were turned away last week at the manse after trying to stage an intervention. Perhaps Ms. Herownworstenemy is now willing to accept a helping hand, what with the myriad of problems threatening to destroy both her and her career. Judging by this video, if Britney hasn’t yet hit rock bottom, she’s pretty darn close.

Is Brit turning tony Malibu into trailer park trash? Probably. But have a heart, wicked neighbor, so bold to scold about the safety of your precious neighborhood or lack thereof. Where is your compassion? Your less fortunate neighbor is suffering a very public meltdown. Her parents are unable to deal. Even The Donald’s unsolicited offer of assistance languishes unheard.

The unbelievable part of this whole surreal saga is the magnitude of paparazzi trailing Britney’s every move. She breaks a fingernail and it’s news. Like a merciless tsunami refusing to recede, the constant crush of bodies must be overwhelming and exhausting. As I’ve previously noted in support of yet another overexposed embattled tart, life in the flash bulbs isn’t a walk in the park. Fame comes with a heavy price.

Say what you will, but I have gobs of empathy for those less capable of navigating the fray. I never thought I would say this, but

“Leave Britney alone!”

If anyone is more deserving of scorn, it’s the gaggle of vermin marring a sunny California morning with their incessant flashes and clicks. The popping and whirring noises alone would drive me insane. Is it really so difficult to sidestep these bottomfeeders? I must conclude Ms. Malibu Hag lacks a certain amount of coordination and civility. You know the type. Prefers a stationary bike to more challenging activity and hates to send or receive holiday cards. Bah. Humbug.

Can’t help but note the irony of Ms. Hag’s public tantrum. As boomeranging slings and arrows rained down upon her $3.5 million beachfront noggin (which these days only buys something akin to a shack), she unwittingly brought the papanazzi to Britney’s defense. It’s a sad day in Tinseltown when one’s biggest protectors are the same people making life so unberable. Then again, nothing in el Lay surprises me. Not even when a morning stroll about town deteriorates into fodder for tabloids.

Luciano Pavarotti Gone to Great Opera in the Sky

Luciano Pavarotti has passed on after going ten rounds with pancreatic cancer. He was an otherwise active 71 years of age. I’m not a big fan of opera, but I know a giant when I see one.

It’s comforting to know he was surrounded by family at the time of his death, although, from what I hear, his domestic life suffered a lot of turbulence over the years. Still, I know many fans will be saddened by the news of this loss.

No Reason to Hate Catherine Zeta-Jones

Catherine Zeta-Jones is a superstar. So proclaims Jeanne Wolf in “A woman you’d love to hate,” Parade magazine, July 15, 2007. Can’t articulate why I delayed posting my reaction to this shameless plug, but knew I would do so eventually. The eagle has landed.

photo courtesy of allyoucanupload.webshots.comCatherine Zeta-Jones may look good in a mask and a tight flirty dress. I agree she deserved the 2002 Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her performance as Velma Kelly in the movie version of Chicago. But superstar? Come on. When was the last time the current Mrs. Michael Douglas opened a blockbuster or lined investor pockets by starring on Broadway? Anybody?

Certainly, no one can claim her current film, No Reservations, will be anything more than a modest success. Haven’t seen it and after perusing reviews, don’t plan to. She’s not exactly the first actress who comes to mind when I think about Hollywood heavy weights.

The point is, Parade‘s piece of fluff goes so far overboard it’s treading open seas. Talk about pandering. This doughboy achieves a whole new level of obnoxious.

“I Never Expected This Life,” gushes Catherine in the hard copy headline. If average folk like myself believed everything we read, we would sell our souls to the devil to trade places with her. “Charmed” does not do justice as a descriptive adjective for the life of Ms. Superstar Zeta-Jones.

Naturally beautiful. Two gorgeous healthy children. Amazing body. Paid millions to work in a career she loves. Married to a Hollywood power player. Crazy in love. Close relationships with parents and in-laws. Four luxury homes. Spends most of her time on the family’s Bermuda estate.

I could go on, but if I do, I may have to satisfy an irresistible urge to stick my finger down my throat. That would require stuffing my whole fist in my mouth, a feat I have yet to accomplish.

I hate this woman!

Not really. The truth is, I think Zeta-Jones is very talented. Generally, I enjoy her performances. I just can’t get over the level of envy this article engenders. No one’s life, not even Santa Clause’s, is that blessed. Surely, she must suffer some degree of problems. Surely, she must put on her Manolo Blahniks one very luscious leg at a time. Surely, Ms. Wolf didn’t omit juicy tidbits alluding to the less than fab aspects of Catherine’s existence because there aren’t any.

For those who are similarly minded, look no further. What follows is my own inimitable conjecture gleaned from between the lines:

1. The relentless flash of American paparazzi left her with no choice but to plant her children in Bermuda, far away from the Hollywood buzz. As evidenced by her latest flick, being out of the loop prevents her from landing roles of substance.

2. Although her husband, Michael Douglas, is still very attractive, he looks like her grandfather and is probably older than her own father. That has to be a big turn off in the bedroom.

3. At age 62, it’s unlikely her children, ages 7 and 4, will have their father to guide them through the majority of their adult lives. Catherine will likely be single or remarried when the time comes to spend holidays, birthdays, and special occasions with any grandchildren.

4. I’ve never see her pictured with stepson, Cameron, who I hear has a drug problem. She also has to contend with ex-wife, Diandra. Family functions can’t be very pleasant.

5. She’s too famous to live in Great Britain, her native country. The large distance between her places of residence and the residence of her parents, with whom she says she is very close, has to at times be painful.

6. She is “always thinking something could happen” to her children when they engage in normal activities like climbing or jumping. Most famous people are also on guard for kidnappers and stalkers. She must worry every time her children are out in public or just plain out of sight.

7. The life her family leads is not in any sense “normal,” even though that’s the kind of life she says she wanted her family to have.

8. Her own husband says she’s a nightmare in the kitchen (to Wolf’s credit, the article briefly suggested as much).

9. She fights with people who cross her. This means there must a lot of people who don’t like her. I never hear about the Douglas’ friends or people who regularly hang around. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure Cat and Michael have oodles friends. I just can’t help but think hers are of the phony persuasion.

10. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” After describing a litany of fears primarily concerning her children and Michael’s driving, she emphatically declares, “I don’t live afraid.” Hah! Having signed a prenup paying more in the event Michael cheats, along with other valid concerns, I’d say she has plenty more to fear than the average bear.

George "Cloo-me" In: Hunk or Has Been?

This off the cuff rant is not mean-spirited. I LOVE George Clooney, why, I’m one of his biggest fans. From the first time I fixated on those dark lush lash lidded patch of doe eyed browns and perfectly chiseled chin, I was hooked but good. Maybe that’s the …err…problem.

You see, I’m also on a collision course with middle age. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.

George, we hardly knew ye. On second thought, strike that. George Clooney has been a major motion oscar winning ER swilling hunka hunka burning Hollywood super star for longer than the combined terms of Clintons and Bushes. For years, I’ve followed all the interviews, all the movie clips, all the premiers, and all the inside jokes. I’ve fantasized myself cavorting with George, Brad, Julia, and sidekick Richard Kind at poker games, yachts, and of course, movie sets. Outspoken? Yes. But at least he puts his time where his mouth is. Not too many celebrities can say that about themselves.

Lately, I’m seriously beginning to wonder if this sexy star has become a nova of his former self. Not even a mention in People mag’s 2007 sexiest men alive issue. Recently snapped shirtless revealing, shall we say, elderly manhandles. A pathetic YouTube jab about the death of his beloved pot bellied pig. And what about that interview on Jay Leno? Were those flashes of turkey neck?

Ah well, the vultures are lurking. Looks like George would do well to circle the wagons. Or finally settle down with some hot babe. Marriage isn’t the raw deal he envisions, even if his first crashed and burned. Once those pecs start to sag, it’ll be too late. He’ll just have to settle for gold diggers.

Earth to George: Warren got Annette on the way down. Capitulate before it’s too late. You’ve still got time. And that entrancing smolder.

Click to see Spewed Videos du Jour.

Bill Clinton and Bob Barker

Bill Clinton is stumping for Hillary in New Hampshire. Last week, I heard on the radio that some people in the Live Free or Die (Hard) state (sorry, Bruce & Co., but that is one lame movie title) are mistaking old Bubba for The Price is Right cheerleader emeritus, Bob Barker. Could this be fodder for another separated at birth?

I still can’t believe I wasted the time it took to compose this video short, but I did. What I won’t do to get noticed. How much sleep will I loose before throwing my hands up in disgust? What’s next? Branded TV shorts?

For better or worse, take a gander at my initial foray into video broadcasting.